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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|